Day 8: Very Very sad day

Today, out of a sudden Andre refused to feed from my boob. I was so distraught that i thought that it is the end of my nursing career after one week. He looked as if he has simply just forgotten how to suckle and cry in hunger. In the end, i had no choice but to express out my milk and give him the bottle. I was really reluctant to make this choice because i read from the books that once babies enjoy the speed and ease of bottle feeding, they will unlikely learn how to suckle from the breast again and i didn't want to start this viscious cycle.

I broke down several times during the day, all heartbroken. It's crazy on hindsight, but somehow i just kept thinking that my baby didn't want me anymore. When my baby cried, i cradled him and cried even louder. And in one instance, my little boy just suddenly stopped and looked at me in bewilderment. He must be thinking " Helloooo, i thought i'm the one whose supposed to cry??!!" Anyway, I never found myself in a more irrational state of mind.

I tried looking for support, but KKH one totally sucks. The LC sounded so impatient. I called a 2nd time, they did not return my call. Do you know, they have only 3 LC and one is on maternity leave? It's crazy lor, so many people give birth everyday, many are 1st time mummies eager to start on breastfeeding and they only got 3 LCs? I realized many hospital LCs are like hotcakes like that and they simply are understaffed and not very patient. Worst still, i find them cold even though its a very emotional time for us.
Anyway, i ended up calling joyful parenting. Its a voluntary breastfeeding hotline and i found the lady at the other end (Maureen) very patient and she gave pretty simple instructions and good suggestions to follow. http://www.breastfeeding.org.sg/alternative-breastfeeding-help.html

In the evening, i was ready to pay a lactation consultation for help. They cost $60-$100 per hour house visit. I called one, barely said 3 words, and i was sobbing my heart away. For the first time today, she was the only person that could perfectly understand what i was going through. She gave a few quick tips and said that she will drop by my place tomorrow. I was so comforted.

Seeing my depressed stated, everyone around me just told me to give up and move on. No direct feed, then no direct feed lor. If we give by bottle, it is still breast milk. Call me obstinate, but i was determined to make it work out. At the back of my head it was this article that spurred me on: http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/perseverance.html This lady never gave up and after 12 days, her baby managed to latch on.

After many attempts, finally at the end of the day, Andre suddenly latched on again. That was at a point where i was calmed down, and just letting him play around with the boob with the minimum expectation. That moment i won't forget, i call it pure bliss. The bond between mother and child.

Soon after, I had the chance to descibe the whole situation to a lactation consultant. It was only then i realized what baby went through was call a nursing strike. Kaoz..